Subject: Raito
by JahLoveAngel
Summary: L has a ridiculous theory, according to Raito at least, and he intends to convince Raito of its validity. Shonen-ai.


"My my Raito-kun, you're quite tense."

"Shut-up Ryuzaki."

L sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping his tea while staring at the younger man across from him while Raito merely pretended he wasn't there. After exactly 257 seconds of this, L set down his teacup and drew a breath to speak.

"I believe I have a theory Raito-kun."

"About what?" Raito grunted under his breath, answering only to prevent L from taking drastic measures after being ignored too long for his liking. He flipped through the case file for the 20th time, hoping L would get the hint and leave him alone.

"As to the cause of Raito-kun's tension and therefore irritable behavior."

"Oh yeah. And what would that be?" He asked callously, desperate to get to some actual work.

"Raito-kun needs to get laid." L retrieved his teacup and began to sip from it again.

Silence. 34 seconds.

"Does Raito-kun not agree?"

More silence, accompanied by a white-knuckled grasp on the case files.

After another 12 seconds in which L continued to stare at him, Raito forced a sigh and visibly relaxed his shoulders.

"You're out of your mind Ryuzaki." With that said, he brought the papers completely in front of his now lightly blushing face.

"Ah, perhaps Raito-kun is too embarrassed to admit his dilemma?"

More white knuckles.

"Ryuzaki. . ." His warning tone went unheeded as L continued.

"If that is the case, then Raito-kun should know that he is only normal. Males of your age have urges which should be addressed." Another sip.

"I know that! And I don't need sex!" Raito yelled, finally having enough.

"I see. Denial then. Most unhealthy." A sugar cube was dropped into the cup, possibly the twelfth one in the last four minutes.

Raito merely groaned and sunk in his seat, papers over his head.

"I would suggest you approach Misa-chan for assistance, but I daresay she still has her innocence."

"This is Misa you're speaking of." Reluctantly, he'd been pulled into this mad conversation.

"Now Raito-kun, don't be rude." He took another sip of sugar and tea, then reached over to pour another cup from the teapot on the coffee table between them.

"So if not Misa-chan, then who else would you prefer?"

"No one, I told you." Raito rolled his eyes.

"And I told you that you were in denial. Now, I believe that Raito-kun would prefer someone attractive and about his age, am I correct?"

"You think I'm shallow, don't you." Raito threw that statement in the older man's face.

"Discerning. I would also say that person would also have to be intelligent, at least as much as Raito-kun is, yes?" L calmly stirred his tea, seemingly oblivious to the agony his companion was facing.

"And how many people do you think fit even those two criteria in Japan? Let alone the rest of the world." Raito smirked, knowing he'd finally found the hitch in L's plan that would bring him to halt.

"Very true. It is a very narrow category." Sip.

Raito was able to gloat at his triumph over the other detective's scheming for an entire nine seconds.

"Then I would have to say that the best choice for Raito-kun would be me." L tilted his head and smiled at the younger man.

Though Raito had trained himself to never show emotion while he was Kira, he was not Kira right now, and so could not help the literal jaw drop upon hearing L's preposterous proposal.

"You're joking." Raito managed to sputter after nearly a full sixty seconds of silence.

"Is Raito-kun trying to say that he is not attracted to me?" L asked, not sounding hurt but merely curious.

"Who'd be attracted to you?!" Raito demanded harshly, snapping his head to the side, away from the detective.

"You're pale, skinny, you can't go five minutes without consuming some kind of sweet. . ." Raito trailed off as he looked up at L from his slouched position in his chair, suddenly caught at the sight of L sucking on his tea spoon. Abruptly, he realized L wasn't actually unattractive, though the constant slouching did mar his appearance. And the way that he'd begun to move his tongue over that spoon. . .

The room's temperature had to have gone up at least twenty degrees in a mere three seconds. Raito straightened in his chair as he tried in vain to keep the mental images at bay.

"So if Raito-kun does not object. . ."

L carefully set down his cup and spoon on the table, slowly standing up and walking over to Raito's chair. The younger man had yet to react, simply staring at him with wide eyes. L allowed himself a smile at this, stopping in front of his target, only to place his hands on Raito's shoulders.

The warmth of L's hands startled Raito out of his reverie. He'd barely gotten out a rather undignified squawk when L used his hands as supports to lift himself onto the other man's chair, sliding his knees to the outside of Raito's lap.

Up close, with only a few inches separating them, Raito would have to say that L wasn't unattractive at all.

"Shall we see if my theory is correct, Raito-kun?" L asked playfully as he leaned into Raito.

This would be much more entertaining than case work.

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A/N: While it's not my first attempt at writing, this _is_ my first fanfiction. So please, constructive criticism is very much appreciated. I couldn't resist taking this particular piece into smut territory, but unfortunately, doesn't allow such content. For both halves, please go to my AdultFanFiction, Y-Gallery, or LiveJournal account, all under JahLoveAngel as well. Thanks for reading!


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